akimynation

lend me your eyes, I can change what you see.

Tag: worry

The Weight On Your Pillow

Don’t take tomorrow to bed with you…

As I walk through the valley in the shadow of death,

I will fear nothing, for thou art with me.

I practically know that I am walking through my death sentence. Finals is fast approaching, and I am doing anything and everything, except for studying. This excessive expenditure of worry is tiring and wearing me out.

My keyword for today is WORRY.

So what if I stopped writing now and proceeded to study?

So what if I deactivate my facebook account to devote all my time for school?

So what if I stop procrastinating and start focusing?

So what if I stopped ranting and worrying about how I haven’t yet studied and just proceed to do what I must actually do?

Would it stop my worry?

I’ve always dreamed of a day when I wouldn’t take my worries to bed, and wake up the next morning feeling so sure of myself and the day I was going to face.

Instead, I worry the night before about the test I am supposed to study, I wake up the next morning worrying about the upcoming exams, I worry about the jeepney ride I am going to take, I worry about my safety. It goes on and on and it doesn’t even stop anywhere.

So my fast paced life took a screeching stop and slapped me in the face. Why worry, when worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

I slowly felt like what I am doing lately made no sense at all. No purpose, and then somehow, my days seemed vastly unimportant and futile. Days are then translated to life, and darn, who would want to live a life with nothing to show for?

My anxiety hasn’t stopped and it took me a good deal of time to realize what I must have done a long time ago. If only I thought less with my mind and let my brain lead my hands to work, then I would’ve accomplished a lot of things.

I always believed in the mantra “Mind over Matter”. But it’s easier said than done. Somehow, our mind has a mind of its own. No matter how hard you convince yourself to start doing something that you’ve been putting off for months or weeks now, you somehow slowly drift off to time consuming activities that eats up not only your drive but also your decisiveness in doing something you must have.

If we keep worrying about the “tomorrows” then our “todays” are for nothing. Why not do today what we can do tomorrow and replace the word “tomorrow” with “now”

I will sleep properly “now”

I will study “now”

I will spend quality time with my family “now”

I will allot a time for prayer “now”

With this shift of attitude, you will see a drastic change in the panorama of life. Live happier, be fulfilled, for each passing day is a new gift for you to start anew. Everyday is a present, and let tomorrow worry about itself.

For the first time in a long time, I lay myself to sleep at night with a lighter soul on a soft pillow, waking up everyday with a gratifying feeling in my heart and a positive outlook on my days to come.

Don't fight with the pillow but lay down your head, And kick every worriment out of the bed

AKIM ♥

1st photo by : “Dianne” http://lakesidelane.wordpress.com

Earthquake 101

How would you feel if you are sure in the next few minutes you could die?

How would you think when the thought of dying is clearly possible?

How would you react when death stares at you right in front of your eyes.

That’s how i felt at 11:49 am earlier this morning.

I can feel my heart beating out of my chest.

I can feel myself holding my breath.

I can feel my forehead wrinkle with the confusion of what was going on.

I can see the questioning look in my classmates faces.

I can see the worry in my professor’s eyes as he told us to “relax”

I can sense the tension growing in the room as everyone was ready to make a run.

At the start of the day, I had a really bad feeling. I wasn’t able to study for our Physiology long exam and what more, I found out we were having a graded oral recitation which I totally had no idea about.

I woke up this morning sent away with a dream of me talking to a nun. I remember waking up, thinking of not going to school just coz i don’t feel like it.

Everything turned out to be ordinary when I arrived in school. Construction workers noisily drilling and hammering at the first floor of our building, classmates fussing about the examinations to come. A normal school day in Velez college.

Now, I always doubted the “end of the world” theory, but concluded to myself it wasn’t real. Not until after I came back from lunch, and our professor start the discussion did I welcome the idea of “death” and “end of the world”. It was an exaggerated thought I know. But the experience itself, the earthquake which lasted for about 15 to 20 long seconds with a magnitude of 6.8 did I think to myself, “This is it, anything could happen.” I was waiting for the ceiling to come crashing down on us, or waiting for the building to collapse or so. If it was other buildings, i would be more calm and collected.  But this is VELEZ COLLEGE, where everything is antique and at least 50 years old.

When the shaking started, i thought to myself, it must be the construction workers vigorously hammering downstairs, or maybe they drilled too much that the building became unstable. I thought it was nothing big. I didn’t realize anything at all until i saw my classmates questioning faces, and one uttered the word “earthquake”. The shaking lasted for long seconds, and at that moment, I thought it wouldn’t stop.

We waited for it to stop, I know we wanted to run the moment we realized what was happening. What was stopping us was our professor “relax lang, relax lang.” Some of us got really worried, I for one, at that moment, was waiting for something to crash on me or something like that. My heart was beating so loud and I could feel my brain shaking inside my skull. Still, our teacher said “relax, relax.” We all followed, kept silent, Long seconds of earthquake. Then the thought hit me, Something bad could happen to us any minute. “But, I cant die without my mama with me, i can’t die without her.” She was the first person that came into my head when the thought of death hit me. So I prayed. That we be all safe.

At that moment, it’s a strange thing to say that I no longer fear what could happen next, whether it be bad or good, I welcomed it, which made me feel content. I know at that moment, God was working.

When your life or the life of someone you love is on the line, that’s when you start to learn about yourself.

That’s when you start to know your priorities. That’s when you start to make an impromptu plan for the next few minutes, hours, weeks  and years to come.

That’s when you promise to yourself to never let life pass you by. That’s when you promise yourself to never take anything at all for granted.

For no one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow.

After that incident, we left the classroom, stayed outside for a while and talked about what just happened, surprisingly confident in knowing no one was hurt.

On my way home, I secretly thought to myself, “How wonderful would it be if the PT building collapsed after we left. No Classes!” 🙂