akimynation

lend me your eyes, I can change what you see.

Tag: mother

Alone

I don’t know why I feel sweaty and dirty even if I just took a bath yesterday. Must be the heat.

Well its summer now in the Philippines and although I have looked froward to this event ever since 3rd year of college started, all my looking forwards went down the drain. I just don’t know how to be happy spending a school free summer with my mama gone, when all the plans I had practically included her in it.

What I would’ve done for summer if my mama was still here:

1. Have a massage together

2. Clean and paint each other nails

3. Dye and cut my hair

4. Sew a pillow together

5. Watch countless movies all summer

6. Talk about the books we’ve read

7. Go to beaches

8. Play Bingo with her

9. Play cards with her

10. Take out her white hair

11.Make anything out of paper machet

12. Eat out together

When summer was the guaranteed time I would get to spend more time with her, since for ten months, school has been eating up my life, She said goodbye even before my free time can start.

For the first few days of summer, I didn’t know what to do the first thing  I woke up. I had to literally trick myself into getting out of bed amidst the challenge of it.

In my bed I would tell myself :

1. Lift your head

2. Lift your trunk

3. Pull yourself up

4. Don’t lie back down

Or another alternative is to tell myself:

1. They won’t have something to eat if you dont get up.

2. You can read a book today.

3. Friends are coming, who’s going to entertain them?

4. Mama needs you to pray for her today, get up.

So obviously, I miss my mama. Why couldn’t she wait at least until summer was over? well I can’t really decide for her fate. That’s not my job. And I couldn’t complain either. His will be done.

Well one thing I look forward to this summer is that I get to go to India to see my father again.  Will be posting about the Wonderful country soon 🙂

Have a happy summer 🙂

(I’m sorry if ever my post brought you down)

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She’s a hundred different things

Then…

She played with me

She fed me

She taught me how to play blocks and read my first ABC’s

She taught me how to feed a puppy

She taught me how to eat an orange

She taught me how to brush my teeth and make short stories

She taught me how to add 1 and 1

She scolded me when I’d stumble down

She takes thousands of pictures

She taught me how to wipe my face after a messy encounter with chocolate

She taught me how to take care of bullies

She taught me how to dance and sing

She taught me how to grow up

Now…

She taught me to think 1000 times before I make a decision

She taught me to never give up on my dreams

She taught me to do my best in possibly everything

She taught me how to look and dress good

She taught me how to always find what I’m looking for

She taught me how to dream big

She cleans my nails and cooks for me

She makes me coffee at dawn

She hugs me tightly when I’m in pain

She taught me to get right up after a fall

She taught me how to love God like she does

She taught me how to love. period.

So

She is in every tear that I shed

She is in every sound of laughter that leaves my breath

She is every color in the rainbow

She is compassion, understanding,  and hope

She is in everything that I feel

She is the force that drives through me

She is in every beauty

She is life’s most wonderful masterpiece

She is my home

She is my one and only

Me and Mama

The Defining Moment of 11:11


I looked at my phone SPONTANEOUSLY and RANDOMLY and saw that it was exactly 11:11 pm.

It was a familiar time. There is this superstition saying you get to make a wish at 11:11 am or pm, and it will come true. I know that’s not real and its stupid to think that a wish, whatsoever  could even come true.

But someone gullible as I took that chance.

“Hmm, what could I possibly wish for?” I asked myself hurriedly before the clock would tick to 11:12 pm

That was the moment that would show me what truly meant to me. That one chance to ask for something and actually pretend it would come true.

What did I really want? time is flying and the seconds are ticking away.

Lots of thought raged in my head. I ransacked for the thing that I would really want to have or happen.

Clock is ticking, mere seconds away from 11:12

What to wish for?

Good grades? Passing this semester? More shopping money? For me to be rich and famous? My mind was a chaos in the midst of time pressure.

But Alas! My heart and mind settle to one decision  and one last wish.

My final decision of a wish :

That my Mom be cured of her sickness.

Mother has been battling diabetes even before she conceived me in 1992. She was diagnosed with Type I diabetes in 2009. January of 2012, She was again brought to the hospital for stomach aches and then was diagnosed to have Alcoholic Liver Disease and advanced  Liver Cirrhosis. For weeks now, mama has been agonizing over her condition, crying of pain.

She was again hospitalized on March 15 up until now.

As she was going through all this, I would just sit beside her, lie down even, I couldn’t do anything, or yet, I don’t know what to do.

Nobody wants to see his or her mother suffer, much more, a mother who makes sure everything is just right for her kids.

When I grew up, When i wake up, It is impossible not to feel my mothers love through the little gestures that she does.

My mother cuts and dyes my hair, Puts on my make up when I was too little to  complain. She buys me things with the little allowance that she gets.Prepares food 3 times a day, seven days a week, food that will match the 5-star restaurants in town.

She trained me to become a strong person. Enough not to become a spoiled brat, enough to know my way through life, enough to bring me closer to our God, enough to make me proud of myself for what I have grown into.

Whenever I would say thank you for all the things she does she would say: “Why do you say “Thank you” You will only understand what I’m doing when you understand what an unconditional love is.”

So how could I even ask for good grades, passing, riches and fame, When my own fragile mother not at all asked any of those things, but lived contently and happily showing her love to her daughter and son?

So if anyone is listening, this 11:11 pm, make my wish happen.

Me and Mama

5 things that feed my dreams

1. FLASHBACKS. This sounds weird. But i seldom get the feeling that I should be in a place bigger than where I am right now.This is probably caused by the fact that when i was little, I used to go to some places with my father. Part of my daddy’s job was to deliver cargo to several countries, countries where they would dock and where we would come down to take a stroll or sight-see for a small while. All the memories of those sights kept coming back, especially backed-up with pictures and flashbacks which make me long for the same ol’ experience.

2. MEDIA. From the National Geographic and Discovery Channel to Koreanovelas and Movies that inspire traveling. My curiosity is being fed by all the images of places Ive never been, places that fill my screen. To name a few, “Leap year” has shown me that I can find my sought for castles in Dublin, Ireland. Lushed with greenery and good scenery. “Letters to Juliet” inspire love and travel in Italy, “Monte Carlo” takes me to my dream destination Paris, France.

3. BOOKS. Adventure plots that take you to out-of-this-world realms. need i say more? These kinds of books and more feed the mind and make me decide that my world shouldn’t be as limited as how I feel it is. Every book is a window which we can peek in and see what is going on out there in an author’s mind, what the author sees, and what the author dreams about. Such books can take us where we want to go. To name a few: “The five people you meet in heaven” opened a new idea of how heaven would be like. The “Percy Jackson” series throw a wave of quests and images for us to dream of, and not to mention my favorite classics, “Sherlock Holmes” and “The Count of Monte Cristo” gives us a preview of England and France

4. LIMITS. Some people would want to think of their life as having no limits, being free. I do not know if this thought is driven by discontentment , but feeling like a bird caged in is worse than feeling discontented (yes, there is a difference between the two). Everyday I go to school seeing the same old stores and same old streets. Everything is so familiar that a little bit of newness wouldn’t hurt. There is much more to see and experience. Places to see and  people to meet

5. FAMILY. All my dreams wouldn’t exist weren’t it for my family. First off, I want to bring them with me wherever we might go. I know my mama, of all people would love to see me a successful woman who have reached her dreams and I want her to be a part of my life no matter where I go or no matter how old I may be. I would want to treat her with her favorite foods from Malaysia and Singapore, treat her to the best Italian foods where else but in Italy itself, buy her the finest Pizza in Rome, eat fattening yummy loaded burgers from the States.

It will always be my dream to travel with the people I love, because in the end, it all comes down not to where you are, but to whom you are with.