akimynation

lend me your eyes, I can change what you see.

Tag: love

She’s a hundred different things

Then…

She played with me

She fed me

She taught me how to play blocks and read my first ABC’s

She taught me how to feed a puppy

She taught me how to eat an orange

She taught me how to brush my teeth and make short stories

She taught me how to add 1 and 1

She scolded me when I’d stumble down

She takes thousands of pictures

She taught me how to wipe my face after a messy encounter with chocolate

She taught me how to take care of bullies

She taught me how to dance and sing

She taught me how to grow up

Now…

She taught me to think 1000 times before I make a decision

She taught me to never give up on my dreams

She taught me to do my best in possibly everything

She taught me how to look and dress good

She taught me how to always find what I’m looking for

She taught me how to dream big

She cleans my nails and cooks for me

She makes me coffee at dawn

She hugs me tightly when I’m in pain

She taught me to get right up after a fall

She taught me how to love God like she does

She taught me how to love. period.

So

She is in every tear that I shed

She is in every sound of laughter that leaves my breath

She is every color in the rainbow

She is compassion, understanding,  and hope

She is in everything that I feel

She is the force that drives through me

She is in every beauty

She is life’s most wonderful masterpiece

She is my home

She is my one and only

Me and Mama

The Defining Moment of 11:11


I looked at my phone SPONTANEOUSLY and RANDOMLY and saw that it was exactly 11:11 pm.

It was a familiar time. There is this superstition saying you get to make a wish at 11:11 am or pm, and it will come true. I know that’s not real and its stupid to think that a wish, whatsoever  could even come true.

But someone gullible as I took that chance.

“Hmm, what could I possibly wish for?” I asked myself hurriedly before the clock would tick to 11:12 pm

That was the moment that would show me what truly meant to me. That one chance to ask for something and actually pretend it would come true.

What did I really want? time is flying and the seconds are ticking away.

Lots of thought raged in my head. I ransacked for the thing that I would really want to have or happen.

Clock is ticking, mere seconds away from 11:12

What to wish for?

Good grades? Passing this semester? More shopping money? For me to be rich and famous? My mind was a chaos in the midst of time pressure.

But Alas! My heart and mind settle to one decision  and one last wish.

My final decision of a wish :

That my Mom be cured of her sickness.

Mother has been battling diabetes even before she conceived me in 1992. She was diagnosed with Type I diabetes in 2009. January of 2012, She was again brought to the hospital for stomach aches and then was diagnosed to have Alcoholic Liver Disease and advanced  Liver Cirrhosis. For weeks now, mama has been agonizing over her condition, crying of pain.

She was again hospitalized on March 15 up until now.

As she was going through all this, I would just sit beside her, lie down even, I couldn’t do anything, or yet, I don’t know what to do.

Nobody wants to see his or her mother suffer, much more, a mother who makes sure everything is just right for her kids.

When I grew up, When i wake up, It is impossible not to feel my mothers love through the little gestures that she does.

My mother cuts and dyes my hair, Puts on my make up when I was too little to  complain. She buys me things with the little allowance that she gets.Prepares food 3 times a day, seven days a week, food that will match the 5-star restaurants in town.

She trained me to become a strong person. Enough not to become a spoiled brat, enough to know my way through life, enough to bring me closer to our God, enough to make me proud of myself for what I have grown into.

Whenever I would say thank you for all the things she does she would say: “Why do you say “Thank you” You will only understand what I’m doing when you understand what an unconditional love is.”

So how could I even ask for good grades, passing, riches and fame, When my own fragile mother not at all asked any of those things, but lived contently and happily showing her love to her daughter and son?

So if anyone is listening, this 11:11 pm, make my wish happen.

Me and Mama

The five people you meet in heaven

The five people you meet in Heaven is about a story of a man named Eddie. Who died fixing cable rides in Ruby pier amusement park at the age of 83.

All his life he kept thinking that his life had no meaning, and no good had come out of anything he ever did, except for having a wife who couldn’t bear him a child.

He died, trying to save a little girl named Amy or Annie.

In heaven, he gets to meet the five people who will share with him the secrets of heaven and peace.

As the blue man said,

“Each of us was in your life for a reason. You many not have known the reason at the time, and that is what heaven is for. For understanding your life on earth.”

The story unfolds with young Eddie on his birthday, and continues on with all the days of his birthdays, citing all the significant events that turned his life around.

Eddie wanted to be someone. An engineer with a wife and kids, instead, after acquiring a bad leg  being a war veteran, he couldn’t go anywhere except get stuck in the job  his father left when he died, being Eddie the maintenance man.

“…there are no random acts. that we are all connected. That you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.”

The random people in Eddie’s life had made the biggest difference in it as well, him never knowing that of course until he reached heaven. Heaven, As the author said, is a place where your life is explained to you. you get to make sense of what happened in your life and your yesterdays.

I won’t be enumerating the five people Eddie met in heaven, for you have to read the book yourself. But for sure, they were all a surprise. In the end they did give his life the answers and explanation he had been searching for, relaying the message that no matter what you do, no matter how little it is or how little you think of yourself, you are doing what you are doing now for a reason. You are where you are right now for a purpose, and you are right where you are supposed to be. Right at that moment, that place, doing what youre doing.

Eddie had his life explained to him and found peace in heaven at the end, Now, he is waiting in line as one of the five people who will meet Amy or Annie when she goes to heaven.  “i died, so that you could live.”

One withers,another grows, Birth and Death are part of a whole “It is why we are drawn to babies, and funerals ”

“Dying? not the end of everything. we think it is. but what happens on earth is only the beginning.”

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

“No story sits by itself. sometimes, stories meet at corners, and sometimes, they cover one another completely  like stories beneath a river.”

“…fairness,” he said, “does not govern life and death. if it did, no good person would ever die.”

“Strangers,” the Blue Man said, “are just family you have yet to come to know.”

“No life is a waste, the only time we waste is the time we keep thinking we are alone.”

To Marry a Pianist

I would like to thank my mortal contrabida/ very good friend and intelligent classmate, Mr Donicku Ouano for sharing this link with me in the first place.

This song is entitled “A River Flows in You” composed by Yiruma, a Japanese Musician.

The first time I heard this song, it almost made me cry, It made me want to shower all my emotions deep within my core, It made me want to pour out my heart, it made me want to dream, it made me want to imagine.

It’s like I’ve heard this song a long time ago, and right now, when I finally hear it again, it’s like I’ve found the song of my life. No words can explain how this song can make one feel. Speechless, dumbfounded, Nostalgic.

Listening to this song makes me think I’m living in a reality of a dream. Its too good to be true. But its really there. Its as good as well that Yiruma does not put lyrics to his songs. The tune and melody speak for themselves. I cant help but wonder what kind of emotions Yiruma was feeling while composing this song. I am just so amazed by his talent, how he carries people with his melody.

I choose this to be the song of my life. It is simply lovely, sad, lonely, and hopeful all at the same time.

What do I envision when i hear this song?

The picture on my mind : A field of brown sky and floating white blossoms. A field of blooming red roses, a man in the center. Playing this song. Lost in the beauty of his melody.

What a wonderful alternate reality, if it could only be a reality. Sometimes I wonder how this world could be so limited fantasywise. Im just thankful for the people who write the songs that bring us to another world. A world where the craziest thoughts and dreams come to life. Where the wildest visions could happen, where you could just put your heart out there and would never get afraid of getting hurt, because you know, wherever you are,  you are safe. And that place and mindset is just a pure beatiful innocence of a wandering mind. A beautiful world which wraps up your entirety, a soothing melody to make you forget whats real for a short 3 minutes time.

must love pianists. Ahh Yiruma how I idolize you.

Don’t forget to IMAGINE.

PUPPY LOVED AND LOST

BOGOY stands by us in prosperity and in poverty, in health and sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground where the heavy rains pour and the cold winds blow. He guards our sleep as if we were a royal family. Tonight, as I was watching a much-awaited episode of my favorite series, my mama called me from outside. I couldn’t hear much of what she said except the word “Dead” she repeated it like 3 times. I went out, and found our bestfriend, Courageous sentinel, and loyal dog lying on the earth, lifeless. Bogoy, Has been with our family for as long as I can remember, he’s been with us since he was still a little frisky pup. He would run around our house and annoy most of us, but we adored him. He and my kuya will sleep together at night, and my kuya will complain of bogoy being loud. But we lived with it. When he was too big to fit in our house, we put him outside. But from time to time, he would wait for the perfect chance to run inside our house and cause havoc. Bogoy was a good protector, whenever there’d be strangers nearby, he would yowl endlessly and noisily even when people would just pass by. Yes that was displeasing and keeping him quiet was hard work. There was this one time when my kuya fastened bogoy’s mouth with a scotch tape. That was the quietest he has ever been. But when we took the scotch tape off, a huge circular white marked formed around his mouth. That became his identity ever since. When we still didn’t have bogoy around, our slippers and shoes would easily be stolen. But when he was there to guard the house, no slippers and shoes would be lost, instead, they would be tattered and destroyed (he nibbles and bites them himself). He is always hungry, when mama and I go out to feed him, we literally have to throw things at him just so we can place the food in his container. Patience wasn’t in his vocabulary. Three days ago, we noticed bogoy looking weak and silent. He wasn’t as playful as he usually is. He would just go to a corner, and sit. When I opened our gate, he didn’t even try to run out and escape like he usually does. Mama said maybe he was about to die. We kept on giving him food. But he wouldn’t eat anything at all. It wasn’t until this afternoon I sat beside him, stroking him, did I realize he was really weak and sick. Tears swelled up my eyes as I was afraid we’d lose him. He looked at me once…I kept on stroking his head. I saw fear in his eyes. It was the look in his eyes that made cry. A few hours later, Mama proclaimed him dead. Kuya arrived home by that time already. We dug up a hole, I know we couldn’t accept the fact that our beloved and loyal dog has passed away. As I was digging up a hole I pushed myself not to cry. instead, I dug forcefully, letting it out on the earth that shall soon house the remains of bogoy. You have served us well beloved friend.your howls will remain in the memories of your nights. Your protection embraces us like an invisible blanket and will forever remain as long as we live. You will never be forgotten for you are loved. No insanely expensive breed of dogs can ever ever replace you. We love you very much doggy and I know you loved us too.

The only exception

What is this thing we call love? What inspires people to set on a journey into the deep abyss of flowing uncertainness? This feeling that penetrates deep into the core of each person’s heart. What joy does this word bring to the people who believe in it? Or better yet ask, does this word truly exist in reality?
This kind of feeling is one which makes us crazy. even crazier than alcohol and drugs. It’s the feeling of being out of breath when that person is not beside us.
As young as teenagers are, the word love isn’t an anonymous term. Nothing beats the feeling of tickled pain across your spine, the feeling of someone caring about you. The feeling of knowing that someone will never leave you. And that someone loves you the way you love him.
Memories are made. Sweet nothing are said. A deep relationship is formed.
My daddy’s advice “I hope you do not fall prey to cheap emotions” .it has been a wake up call. False emotions exist in this world. And people call it love. I know someone who has been a victim of cheap words. She got pregnant, her boyfriend left her. What more could she do? She believed in love. Little by little did she realize that what she and her ex-boyfriend had wasn’t called love? She did know that the true love she was looking for existed inside of her.
Now, that is love, so now I say this to all the girls out there. Do not fall prey to cheap emotions. Boys come and go, they tell you they love you, but know the true meaning of love. It is when you feel a baby’s first kick inside your tummy, It is when that person puts your happiness above his. It is when that one person struggles to stay strong amidst the weak and failing circumstances. It is when that one person never lets go, chooses to love you unconditionally, trades places with you so that he could suffer instead of you. A perfect presentation of this. A person who dies in the cross for the sins you have done. So what is love then? Jesus is love. He is true love. No one can say otherwise. We are human and we err. We say we love a person even when we don’t. Getting caught up in lustful acts doesn’t reassure a relationship of having love.
I don’t how it is to love a person intimately, it is just as well, for I pray the next time will be the last time ill ever plunge into the wide sea of love together with all the drama and challenges it may bring. I promise this to my family, to god and to everyone who cares for me. I will not fall prey to cheap emotions.

Love is true even in lies

No love is a lie
Liza, solitary schoolgirl of 16 carries her dingy bag in her pale hands. People stop and stare as she    walks by. She doesn’t understand the world, and she is confused of her own character. Her only desire is to find a world of her own where she truly would be happy, and no one would stop and stare to judge her. Guess what?, she’s found it. His name is Ian. And he is her world.
Being an orphan, her vicious aunt together with her cruel uncle was forced to bring her up. Until now, she is still treated as an outsider or would sometimes refer to her as a burden. They loathed her. Despite that, she still managed to work her way up and earn a scholarship to an elite university in the city.
She met Ian in school. They were both loners then. yet both very attractive. A lot of girls would get envy over Liza for grabbing Ian first. As a result, they would unstoppingly spread horrible rumors about her. But that won’t stop Liza’s love for Ian.
As Liza continued to be a recluse, Ian has gained a lot of friends and admirers. Though he doesn’t mind countless girls crushing on him, for he loves Liza as much as he loves him, she tends to get insecure and jealous. If that would be the case, Ian would reassure his love for Liza over and over again.
Their relationship seemed like the only beacon of light for the two young lovers. Even if they were two different world apart, their relationship is as real as their love for each other.
On a cold day in late December, they were found in a bench near the campus field as they would always be when the dismissal bell rings.
“I bet I love you more than you love me” whispered Lyza in Ian’s ear.
“Impossible. No woman’s heart is big enough to hold so much love” he said
They both know in their hearts that they will cherish shared moments forever.
The next day at the same place:
“Liza, I have a surprise…”
“What? I love surprises” she giggled
“Close your eyes..”
Liza closed her eyes with a mixture of excitement and desperation. She isn’t used to surprises.
“Now…open!”
As her eyes flickered open, she saw such a wonderful ring held by Ian right in front of her eyes. It      was the most beautiful ring she ever saw.
It was a white gold ring with a remarkable diamond on top. Best of all, it had their names engraved   in it.
“oh my god.. This is simply breathtaking. Thank you…so much!.. but why…?”
“I just want to make sure that you and I will never part. So keep this ring always with you. Keep it safe and whatever happens, know that I will always and forever love you, no matter what.”
The gentle smile and sparkling eyes of  Liza says it all.
It was on the day of January 16th; Ian was invited by his friends to go to a party with them. And being the nice guy that he is, he couldn’t say “no.”
At the party, lots of girls being unreserved, flirt! And get drunk.
So does the boys. The girls kept on tempting Ian but he kept a mental picture of Liza in his mind. He kept on brushing off girls but the evils of alcohol worked its power upon Ian. He started doing spiteful acts unconsciously and completely forgot about Liza at that moment.
Tomorrow morning in school: news about the party spread like wildfire!
Hearsays about how Ian got wild and cheated on Liza amused the many miscreants and are frowned upon by the few sympathetic characters in school.
When news reached Ian, he panicked! He asked help from his so called friends.
“what can I do? how can I explain to Liza?”
“I don’t know ‘bout that!?. .but you do know what I think?.. I think she’s a distraction dude!”
“Distraction? from what?”
“From us! From the coolest things in life. We have more fun in a day than you have with her in a week!.”
“That’s not true! I love being with her.”
“whatever you say. But if you cant deal with her, then why make it a problem? just break it off, man! You got countless girls crushing over you, why bother with her?”
Ian, still disturbed with his thought, didn’t know what to do. He kept looking for Liza in school but couldn’t find her. From the ground floor up to the 5th floor he kept looking. Realizing he could not find her, he went out for he might know where she is.
On the other hand, Liza, hearing the news cut class and went to “their place”. She’s never cried so hard her entire life. Even compared to the time when her aunt brutally punished her for accidentally dropping a porcelain plate.
“so you’ve heard?”
Lyia glanced at her back and saw Ian. She turned back.
“is that all you have to say? I didn’t even know you were going to parties”
“last night was the first. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what I was do~~..”
“I don’t need an explanation!”
“I’m really sorry. I don’t know what to say…”
“then don’t say anything!” Lyza snapped. “You are such a liar. if you loved me, you would never do anything to hurt me. Your love was a lie!…you’re a liar!!
“no it wasn’t. I really love you!. Look, I’m not a perfect person and I do stupid things that I don’t mean to do….”
“if you love a person why would you do something to hurt her? Here’s your stupid ring back! Now just leave me alone.”
Liza ran off leaving Ian Grasping the ring, standing beside the bench. He noticed a piece of paper with Lyza’s scribbling w/c read ”when your love turned to a lie, it never was true.”
It started to rain…
5 years later: Liza didn’t hear from Ian ever since she left him in the rain. She also didn’t try any means to reach him for she didn’t want to remember the feeling. But still the memory of her pain remains in her heart and in her mind. She’s never had another boyfriend since Ian. For as well the pain, the love too, remains.
She was sitting at the bench, reflecting when a voice called out to her
“Liza.!!” .It was her high school teacher and mentor. She was like a mother to Liza.
“How are you? Its been a long time since you’ve hastily decided to transfer schools before. I’ve been trying to reach you!”
“Really? why?”
“I have to tell you something, it’s about Ian..remember?”
Liza’s crooked smile turned to a frown.
“yes. what about him?”
“About a year ago, he came back and told me something about you too. And he told me before he would go, he shall…”she was cut short.
“go where?”Liza asked.
“That I don’t know. Any way he told me to give you this..It’s a bit late already but I hope it would still matter” She reached into her bag and took out a bulky piece of small paper and handed it to Liza. “Open it. I’ve been dying to know what’s inside..”
Liza opened it and there fell out her ring. On the paper was written:
“Keep this ring always with you. Keep it safe and whatever happens, know that I will always and forever love you no matter what…- Ian”
As Lyza read it, her teacher gently said, “child, I never think your love was a lie, it never was.”
Lyza replied with a tear.
Epilogue:
20 miles from where they stand, the northern cemetery, in a tombstone, an epitaph is engraved:
“While he lived, he’d fear no other thing
So sore, as keeping safe Liza’s ring”