akimynation

lend me your eyes, I can change what you see.

Tag: loss

Alone

I don’t know why I feel sweaty and dirty even if I just took a bath yesterday. Must be the heat.

Well its summer now in the Philippines and although I have looked froward to this event ever since 3rd year of college started, all my looking forwards went down the drain. I just don’t know how to be happy spending a school free summer with my mama gone, when all the plans I had practically included her in it.

What I would’ve done for summer if my mama was still here:

1. Have a massage together

2. Clean and paint each other nails

3. Dye and cut my hair

4. Sew a pillow together

5. Watch countless movies all summer

6. Talk about the books we’ve read

7. Go to beaches

8. Play Bingo with her

9. Play cards with her

10. Take out her white hair

11.Make anything out of paper machet

12. Eat out together

When summer was the guaranteed time I would get to spend more time with her, since for ten months, school has been eating up my life, She said goodbye even before my free time can start.

For the first few days of summer, I didn’t know what to do the first thing  I woke up. I had to literally trick myself into getting out of bed amidst the challenge of it.

In my bed I would tell myself :

1. Lift your head

2. Lift your trunk

3. Pull yourself up

4. Don’t lie back down

Or another alternative is to tell myself:

1. They won’t have something to eat if you dont get up.

2. You can read a book today.

3. Friends are coming, who’s going to entertain them?

4. Mama needs you to pray for her today, get up.

So obviously, I miss my mama. Why couldn’t she wait at least until summer was over? well I can’t really decide for her fate. That’s not my job. And I couldn’t complain either. His will be done.

Well one thing I look forward to this summer is that I get to go to India to see my father again.  Will be posting about the Wonderful country soon 🙂

Have a happy summer 🙂

(I’m sorry if ever my post brought you down)

PUPPY LOVED AND LOST

BOGOY stands by us in prosperity and in poverty, in health and sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground where the heavy rains pour and the cold winds blow. He guards our sleep as if we were a royal family. Tonight, as I was watching a much-awaited episode of my favorite series, my mama called me from outside. I couldn’t hear much of what she said except the word “Dead” she repeated it like 3 times. I went out, and found our bestfriend, Courageous sentinel, and loyal dog lying on the earth, lifeless. Bogoy, Has been with our family for as long as I can remember, he’s been with us since he was still a little frisky pup. He would run around our house and annoy most of us, but we adored him. He and my kuya will sleep together at night, and my kuya will complain of bogoy being loud. But we lived with it. When he was too big to fit in our house, we put him outside. But from time to time, he would wait for the perfect chance to run inside our house and cause havoc. Bogoy was a good protector, whenever there’d be strangers nearby, he would yowl endlessly and noisily even when people would just pass by. Yes that was displeasing and keeping him quiet was hard work. There was this one time when my kuya fastened bogoy’s mouth with a scotch tape. That was the quietest he has ever been. But when we took the scotch tape off, a huge circular white marked formed around his mouth. That became his identity ever since. When we still didn’t have bogoy around, our slippers and shoes would easily be stolen. But when he was there to guard the house, no slippers and shoes would be lost, instead, they would be tattered and destroyed (he nibbles and bites them himself). He is always hungry, when mama and I go out to feed him, we literally have to throw things at him just so we can place the food in his container. Patience wasn’t in his vocabulary. Three days ago, we noticed bogoy looking weak and silent. He wasn’t as playful as he usually is. He would just go to a corner, and sit. When I opened our gate, he didn’t even try to run out and escape like he usually does. Mama said maybe he was about to die. We kept on giving him food. But he wouldn’t eat anything at all. It wasn’t until this afternoon I sat beside him, stroking him, did I realize he was really weak and sick. Tears swelled up my eyes as I was afraid we’d lose him. He looked at me once…I kept on stroking his head. I saw fear in his eyes. It was the look in his eyes that made cry. A few hours later, Mama proclaimed him dead. Kuya arrived home by that time already. We dug up a hole, I know we couldn’t accept the fact that our beloved and loyal dog has passed away. As I was digging up a hole I pushed myself not to cry. instead, I dug forcefully, letting it out on the earth that shall soon house the remains of bogoy. You have served us well beloved friend.your howls will remain in the memories of your nights. Your protection embraces us like an invisible blanket and will forever remain as long as we live. You will never be forgotten for you are loved. No insanely expensive breed of dogs can ever ever replace you. We love you very much doggy and I know you loved us too.

The only exception

What is this thing we call love? What inspires people to set on a journey into the deep abyss of flowing uncertainness? This feeling that penetrates deep into the core of each person’s heart. What joy does this word bring to the people who believe in it? Or better yet ask, does this word truly exist in reality?
This kind of feeling is one which makes us crazy. even crazier than alcohol and drugs. It’s the feeling of being out of breath when that person is not beside us.
As young as teenagers are, the word love isn’t an anonymous term. Nothing beats the feeling of tickled pain across your spine, the feeling of someone caring about you. The feeling of knowing that someone will never leave you. And that someone loves you the way you love him.
Memories are made. Sweet nothing are said. A deep relationship is formed.
My daddy’s advice “I hope you do not fall prey to cheap emotions” .it has been a wake up call. False emotions exist in this world. And people call it love. I know someone who has been a victim of cheap words. She got pregnant, her boyfriend left her. What more could she do? She believed in love. Little by little did she realize that what she and her ex-boyfriend had wasn’t called love? She did know that the true love she was looking for existed inside of her.
Now, that is love, so now I say this to all the girls out there. Do not fall prey to cheap emotions. Boys come and go, they tell you they love you, but know the true meaning of love. It is when you feel a baby’s first kick inside your tummy, It is when that person puts your happiness above his. It is when that one person struggles to stay strong amidst the weak and failing circumstances. It is when that one person never lets go, chooses to love you unconditionally, trades places with you so that he could suffer instead of you. A perfect presentation of this. A person who dies in the cross for the sins you have done. So what is love then? Jesus is love. He is true love. No one can say otherwise. We are human and we err. We say we love a person even when we don’t. Getting caught up in lustful acts doesn’t reassure a relationship of having love.
I don’t how it is to love a person intimately, it is just as well, for I pray the next time will be the last time ill ever plunge into the wide sea of love together with all the drama and challenges it may bring. I promise this to my family, to god and to everyone who cares for me. I will not fall prey to cheap emotions.