This next Post will be about the person who is the cause of my bliss for 20 years and the cause of my pain for 15 days.
She is my hero. Now she is my angel.
Taught me everything about life, from the simple ABC’s, to spelling out my name, to sewing, cooking, putting on make up,smiling and laughing.
She always told me to make my own and never follow the norm. She taught me how to love books, which opened up a wide world to me, then we would both share knowledge in stories. Her tough but unconditional love made me content with everything I have and made me dream bigger for she told me the world is my playground and I have numerous possibilities.
All along through all these things she taught me how to love myself and love life.
“Life is hard. But life goes on.” She used to say. She trained me to become unlike any other girl my age. She made me climb our roof to clean dry leaves and chop overgrown trees, she taught me at a young age how to cook various but limited number of dishes. She taught me how to properly take out stubborn stains out of white clothes. I sweat much for we both cleaned the house inside out.
She used to expect much from me but then later on settled to the mediocrity I am only able to give. Knowing my limited mind, she would patiently read out questions out of my lessons as if she were a game show host, and I the contestant, would answer eagerly knowing this would help me pass my hard exams.
Amidst all my imperfections as a daughter, She loved me with all her heart and wanted me to reach my full potential as a lady.
It is seen in the way she takes care of me. Going home would be like going home to a salon. Wherein, mama would clean and paint my nails, dye and cut my hair, and even bleach my skin. It was the ultimate mother-daughter bond any girl could ask for.
Its easy to have a mother whom you are so open with, whom you can just randomly hug and kiss anytime of the day, whom you talk with about anything before you go to sleep every night, whom you tickle and giggle with, and just openly appreciate every little detail of a mother’s love.
When the inevitable comes, you can’t help but think that death is real. People you love are taken away, they say everything has a reason, were not meant to know it I guess. Sometimes you get your last chance with them without even knowing it, never having to say goodbye. Sometimes there are no next times, sometimes you lose someone and you feel like your heart has melted into a hard rock. And sometimes there is just nothing you can do to make things better, or make the pain go away.
I start to question why this happened and I ask an imaginary listener, “why?” and “just why?”
All along I just never realized it. Everything I did was for her, I strived in school for her, I had big dreams for her. I wanted to bring her to places with me and make her happy and proud of me.
I could not even imagine facing the things she would miss in my life: my graduation, my first job, my first salary, which was reserved for her, my travels and adventures which I planned for our family, my wedding, my first child who would’ve called her “Lola” (grandmother). It just aches to know she won’t have those experiences with me, or worse, I won’t have those experiences with my mother.
All there is left to say as a witness to her life is just her beauty is timeless.
Her love is unconditional, unwarranting.
Describing her life is like describing each pixel of the rainbow.
She’s an adventure.
Her smile, her warm embrace, keeps replaying in my mind as if I’ve touched and seen her just yesterday.
Somehow I just try to find strength in my memories with her.
Surely no one can replace the best in the world.
I love you so much MA ♥
-I’ll always be your little girl 🙂